remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
