Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I want a musical about memes.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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