I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
