you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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