Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
