3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
