You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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