tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
