OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
