If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
