Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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