she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Randomize
