exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
