how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
