I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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