Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
third nipple confirmed
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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