I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
