Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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