Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Randomize
