I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
