i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
