Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
It was like getting head from an anaconda
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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