just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
you inspire me to be a worse person
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
