Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
