Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
