I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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