and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
