I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
