it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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