Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
