I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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