the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize
