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I wish I could punch you in the face.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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