it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
