i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
