I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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