I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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