You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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