you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
