She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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