i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
