i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
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He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
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They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
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