The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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