I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
