god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
