Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize