If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
