I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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