Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
