haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
