I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
