I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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