Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
