we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
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By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
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Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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