took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
