i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
