thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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