we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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