girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
