hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
