In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
