I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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