I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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