the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
