I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
he laminated a picture of his dick.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
