my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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