If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
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No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
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I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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