then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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