forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
