So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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