She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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