thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
