weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
