So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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