OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Randomize
