So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
worst night to have a conscience
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
