I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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