I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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