i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
