So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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