i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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