If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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