I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
